Avoid These Dating Deal Breakers
Both sexes have standards when it comes to dating. Everyone is looking for that perfect someone that they can imagine building a relationship with. When youíre left waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right, you sometimes start to think the opposite sex is just far too picky.
It might surprise you to know that when it comes to deal breakers with dating, men and women are surprising alike in what turns them off and wonít lead to more dates. Knowing this can help you avoid a dry spell.
Not Knowing How to Communicate
Not knowing how to communicate on a date is something that a lot of women just donít want to put up with. Things like this include not being able to talk clearly and not knowing the basic difference between commonly misused words.
To men, this might seem too picky, but to women, a man that doesnít know how to communicate from the start, including with their eyes, it wonít get any better as the relationship progresses.
Women do put more of an emphasis on communication than men do because this is how women relate. A deal breaker with communication is a man or a woman who is obviously the star in their own world.
These kinds of people talk so much that itís hard to get a word in edgewise. While a man or woman want to find out about their date, give them the condensed version of yourself, not your life story.
During a date, you donít want to jump on the complain train. Someone that youíve just met or are just now starting to get to know doesnít want to hear all about the job that you hate, or the terrible day youíve just experienced.
Communication during a date means communicating with the date. It doesnít mean that this is a fresh avenue for you to spill all of your resentment and heartache about the person who was in your life before him or her.
If you bring your ex into the conversation, it can be an instant deal breaker because it shows that you havenít worked through feelings about that former flame. No one wants a preview of the excess baggage youíll be bringing along if they date you.
It also shows that youíre inconsiderate. Itís a deal breaker to use someone you barely know as a sounding board about the lost loves in your life. You might feel that youíre connecting, while the other person feels like they should be charging you a therapy fee.
Work through your issues about your ex before you move on to dating someone new. See a real therapist and make sure all of your issues with that situation are resolved prior to you dating someone else. Youíll be doing yourself a big favor.
Most people know how to be polite. Some donít. If you donít know how to be polite, that can be a deal breaker. If you havenít mastered basic table etiquette, then you need to learn before you hit the dating circuit.
First, donít put your elbows on the table. Donít slouch down so far in your chair that it looks like youíre practically resting on your neck. When itís time to eat, donít share your food in open-mouthed chewing with the other person.
Itís rude and disgusting to look at someone elseís chewed up meal. These are deal breakers – especially for women. Donít slurp your food, push your food onto your fork with your fingers, donít burp, donít blow your nose and donít pick your teeth when youíre on a date.
If you get a bite of something that tastes terrible, donít make a show of spitting it out. Discreetly remove it in with a napkin. If something is out of reach, ask for it, donít reach across the table and grab it.
One of the biggest issues thatís a deal breaker among both men and women are dates that get on the cell phone. If you text or take a call during a date and itís not an absolute emergency, you can bet youíll probably never get another date.
Itís rude to pay attention to someone who isnít even there via a cell phone. Being rude to others (including the waitress or waiter) around you on the date is a deal breaker. If youíre out with your friends, treating them rudely is also a deal breaker.
Your date will end up wondering if thatís how you treat other people, if youíll start to treat him or her that way as well. Under the heading of being impolite is not having a tolerance toward people who have different religions, are from different cultures, are a different race or have different sexual preferences.
Being small minded or making bigoted or racist comments is a deal breaker. Itís rude and offensive. Itís also not polite to expect your date to like all the same things that you like.
Just because you like a certain style of music doesnít mean she will. And to expect someone to give in to your tastes is a deal breaker. Instead of looking for someone that is exactly like you when it comes to preferences, learn how to explore the differences.
It can be a deal breaker to be sarcastic or to make fun of something that your date finds interesting. It makes you look mean and bullying to make fun of someone just because theyíre into things that youíre not.
Not Taking Care of Your Appearance
Surprising, men and women arenít looking for someone who doesnít have any flaws. But both sexes do look for someone who takes pride in his or her appearance. This can range from clothing choice to hygiene habits.
When you show up for a date, even if itís a casual date, you should always look your best. Those worn sweatpants might make you feel comfortable, but to your date, they say that you couldnít be bothered to put forth much effort.
Save the around the house clothes for around the house. Donít wear a pair of shoes that could be worn when cleaning out the garage or mowing. Donít wear shoes that donít fit the occasion. An example of this is wearing high heels for a beach walk.
The shoes are out of place and will only tell your date that youíre trying too hard to impress. Be careful going too bold. That bright Hawaiian shirt might look great on a vacation, but on a date, itís better to choose clothes and shoes that blend in and save the wilder choices for a later date.
A deal breaker in both men and women is showing up for a date without having spent some time on personal hygiene. If you canít be bothered to brush and floss your teeth, itís better that you stay home.
Poor hygiene habits can also be a deal breaker. These include things like wiping your mouth on the sleeve of your shirt after eating. Or coughing up phlegm and then spitting it onto the ground.
Take care of your smile. Itís one of the first impressions that youíll make on someone else when it comes to dating. A big deal breaker for men and women is pretending to be something youíre not online or through text messages, then showing up in person and you look and act totally differently.
An example of this is a girl who pretends to be into things guys like just to impress the guy. Or a guy who says he has washboard abs, when itís really more like a beer belly. What both sexes really appreciate is a person whoís honest with them right from the start.
Donít lie about your body type, your looks or your hobbies just to get someone interested in you. When the truth comes out, it will only backfire. You want to date someone who likes the real you, not some fictional person who doesnít exist.
Certain habits can also make your appearance less than desirable on a date. Someone who smells like cigarette smoke can be a deal breaker to some people. People who drink more than their limit on a date are a turnoff, too.
Unresolved Personal Issues
Every person in the world is going to have some emotional wounds given to them by life experiences. Most people go on to get through this issues by working them out or seeking the advice of a counselor.
Having experienced personal problems is nothing to be ashamed of and is normal. However, dragging these issues around with you, especially on dates is when it becomes a problem.
Personal issues that are deal breakers involve things like not being able to let go and move on from anything that hurt you emotionally and springing that upset on your date. Your date doesnít want to hear about the times your former friend stole money from you or skipped out without paying rent.
He doesnít want to hear about daddy issues. She doesnít want to hear about your issues with your mom or your dad. Or your siblings. Or your neighbors. If those things are still eating away at you, itís a sign that you need to deal with them rather than date and talk about them.
Your date doesnít want to hear about a list of problems that were someone elseís fault. It makes you sound whiny and immature. If you have a personal issue thatís driven you to try to deal with it through the development of an addiction, thatís a definite deal breaker.
Having an addiction with drugs isnít something thatís fair to expect another person to have to deal with, especially someone that you donít even know that well. It puts too much on them emotionally.
If you have an addiction with drugs or with alcohol, take care of it and get well before you seek a relationship. An addiction can introduce a level of upheaval into a relationship that can add a lot of drama.
When thereís an addiction, the person that youíre dating never gets to know who you really are because the addition can mask that. People with an alcohol or drug addiction can often have varying mood swings and thatís not a good way to begin a relationship.
Not Being Dependable
A deal breaker among men and women is dating people who donít know how to keep their word. These people are often flighty. Theyíll say one thing and mean another. Sometimes, they can be prone to mind games.
Men and women are looking for someone who has a solid character. They know that if youíre not dependable, as the relationship develops, when they need someone, you wonít be the one theyíll be able to call.
Itís a deal breaker because a person who isnít dependable has all kinds of excuses for his or her behavior. Why they didnít show up when they said they would. Why they blew you off, why they couldnít pay for a meal they promised to pay for.
These people are often not financially stable and theyíre looking for someone they can lean on. Being someone who canít take care of himself is a deal breaker. Both men and women want someone who is independent and knows how to keep his word.
A man or woman who has a life thatís out of control isnít someone that anything can be built with because that person canít be trusted. Without trust, there canít be a healthy relationship.
Someone whoís too clingy isnít someone who can be depended on. This is because the other person in the dating relationship will constantly have to reassure the clingy one, constantly have to feed their need for reassurance and company.
Signs of being clingy include always wanting to know who youíre with and what youíre doing. The person could be afraid that youíre leaving them behind. A dating relationship needs to be a two way street.
Each person should have a circle of friends as well as friends they enjoy seeing as a dating couple. Itís important for each person to have outside interests in a dating relationship and this includes different friends.
When you have separate interests, it can help a dating relationship stay fresh and seem more interesting. Donít allow yourself (or the other person) to lose their identity and friendships just because you want to spend more time together.
Being Too Familiar Too Fast
When you date someone, there are certain physical boundaries that shouldnít be crossed unless itís clear that the other person is open to the contact. On a first date, you should have and expect personal boundaries.
Treating someone like theyíre an old friend that you can hang all over is going to make the other person uncomfortable. While this is usually a dating deal breaker thatís more common in the way that men behave, women are also guilty of this one.
Part of the problem is because dating has become more like a checklist. People are trying to see if the other person fits the bill physically. This means that he or she is trying to figure out if theyíre compatible – if theyíre a good fit.
Though itís important to date someone that youíre physically attracted to, dating isnít a supermarket where you can go in and start rubbing and touching to see if you like what you see.
Because men are usually bigger, taller and have more physical strength, being too hands on can make a woman feel uncomfortable, intimidated and sometimes can cross the boundaries into sexual harassment.
Never assume itís okay to touch someone else. Instead, make sure that you have a clear okay before you do. Itís not just the physical where a date can get too familiar. Being too familiar too fast can be a deal breaker when it comes to emotions, too.
When a person starts pushing for emotional depth that hasnít developed yet, this can turn people off. An example of this is when a couple just start dating and by the end of the first week, one party is ready to move in together, to be exclusive, or already talking about being in love.
This is usually a sign of a deeper emotional problem that should raise red flags. Though itís not easy to date in todayís world, there are plenty of good men and women looking for that special someone. Figure out what your deal breakers are and try to find someone who suits your personal preferences!